Do you know the moments that completely stand still … sometimes for moments, and sometimes for much longer? For me time is standing still… its an open portal to look years past, like a movie, watching my life flash before my eyes, and yet seeing the future, but non of its defined. Very rare do I find myself in these moments of still time, but when I deep, I like to stop, take a deep breath and gaze through.
Its amazing how much life has happened and how much time has passed by in 29 years. A lot has happened, and yet it feels like nothing significant has happened. I am reminded to not think upon my own opinion of my life, but to cling tightly to that what Jesus defines as significant in my life. It’s pretty significant that I have stayed away from many things this culture and generation usually cling to as normal ways to express life. It’s pretty significant to Jesus that my heart is towards him in the midst of a wicked and perverse generation.
Those are great things, and yet when I look at my life, I truly ‘feel’ set apart even in a crowd that is set apart. I am not sure if this is a good thing. All around me romantic relationships move forward, friendships are forming, healing is taking place here and there, laughter, sadness… all forms of life rush past me… and yet, my life and me standing in the midst life seems to remain STILL. Not that those things aren’t happening… but life doesn’t feel like its rushing forward… there is a stand still. Time and life are moving forward, and yet I am in a sense watching it, at a stand still.
Sometimes I truly feel like I am of another kind. I am aware of the seriousness of the inner parts of our Spirit life and the tangles of our soul, and sometimes the confusion between the two. I am also aware of the seriousness of the gates the Lord has given us to protect His Spirit life in us. Those gates being, our ear, eyes, and mouth.
When I listen to anything that doesn’t glorify the Lord, and/or exalt His name, I am muting the Spirit of Him in me. I am silencing the spiritual activity in me, causing dullness to take root. A little bit of dullness here, and a little bit of dullness there seems like absolutely no harm, and yet, over time, dullness shuts down my spirit, and I can no longer hear my Beloved one, because I am hearing to many other things. I become less in tune to His sweet voice, He who speaks life and direction to me continuously.
When I watch anything that doesn’t glorify the Lord, and/or exalt His name, I am blinding my spiritual eyes to see activity in the spirit realm (which is more real, than anything we can see with our natural eyes in this life). This isn’t just movies, tv shows, by magazines. Its a shame, in today’s culture you can’t even drive down the road without seeing a porn filled billboard. We have to guard the gates of our eyes, to only gaze on the beauty of Him who created all beauty. To gaze into Heaven as its being released on earth, and to be apart of it… that is and should be our highest pleasure.
And our mouth gate. This is definitely the gate I have struggled the most with of the three in this life. It’s amazing the restoration I’ve walked through in this area, but only to know, I have further restoration to walk in. I continue to be undone by the humor of this generation and culture… we have softened a form of cursing in sugar coating it calling it “sarcasm”. When we get in our thoughts, and gaze life in the lens that in ALL things that come from our mouth gate, it is only the dwelling of 2 camps. We are either blessing with our words or we are cursing.
Scripture says that the things we meditate on, eventually become the overflow of our speech. So when we hear things and see things that exalt Christ, and we concern ourselves with heavenly matters, then we are creating a habitation of the Spirit to rise up in us, it no longer leaves room for our soul-ish desires, our time is filled with him and other things that exalt Him. Our speech overflows with tenderness and compassion towards others. We bless others when speaking about them, because we have heard His heart and fullness for them, and in speaking that we are agreeing with Him.
The opposite of these things, obviously is cursing. When we use our time unwisely, watching filth (and this degree is different for everyone, so I am not judging) we begin to agree with the spirit of dullness and that spirit takes root in us. We become less likely and more fuzzy in our hearing His voice. Our Spirit becomes squashed by all the other things its competing with, in us. Also, when we spend more time hearing other things, and watching other things, we start to hear more of the lies we believe about ourselves, and less truth, which is what He speaks to us. And the overflow of our speech is more negative, and we tend to inadvertently or intentionally curse others with our words, in forms of sharing our hearts with others, or forms of sarcasm, or just straight up cursing others.
I once heard a quote said to me, “You can’t be so heavenly that you are no earthly good”… and yet after much meditation upon these words, I’ve realized by the examples of my past that unless I am in alignment with Him I am no earthly good. I am completely useless and dangerous. It’s amazing that we are SO bored that we have to fill our time with so many other things, that we don’t even consider Him who created us out of something that was once nothing. Have you ever thought about eternity? If we get bored on this side of eternity and we struggle to fill our time glorying Him with our time, what are we going to do for eternity with Him? If worship is not apart of our daily lifestyle now, how do you think you will be able to handle it then? Just asking.
All of this to say… for those of you out there, who are the set apart ones, and are feeling even set apart within the set apart crowd, know that you are not alone. You are where you need to be. You, like Mary of Bethany, are taking part in the most precious gift.. to love and be loved by Jesus. To be His friend, is very costly, but it is the highest calling in life. It may seem like everyone around you is walking in the same desires that are in your heart, but continue to press in Him for direction. Don’t give in to the settling of Hope Deferred. His timing is perfect, and there is a reason for the waiting game. He is the Faithful God to complete the work He has begun in you. Don’t despise the days of small beginnings, they get bigger. I too, even now, remind myself of these truths! He is not a God that He should lie, things that He has said will come to pass, will… and I cling to those truths, and yet in the mean time enjoy that I am His friend, and I am careful with gates that He may be glorified and rise up within me.
A Song that always brings comfort to me in the waiting game…
My Soul Waits for You Alone
Like the Watchman Wait for Dawn
Here I finally found my place
When I meet You face to face
I finally found where I belong
I finally found where I belong
In Your Presence
I finally found where I belong
Is to be with You!
